Dating Get: Three Lesbians Attempt the XO Dating Software So You Do Not Need To | Autostraddle

Dating install is actually an innovative new ongoing series in which Shelli, Dani and Drew try out modern or most neglected of internet dating software so you don’t have to. These days they’re providing you with the complete install on XO.

But first, why are they actually carrying this out, and exactly what do you obtain from it?

Here Is
to tell you:

In addition to having the ability to deal with Dani & Drew and generating certainly one of my brand new favorite slack channels — I like online dating and I also love studying all facets of it. I provide plenty of gender and matchmaking advice and need to remain on what exactly is occurring both in of those spheres. I have tried personally online dating applications in earlier times not as my personal primary way to obtain meeting visitors to kick it with. I am very comfortable going up on the individual within party with which has caught my personal interest and flirting with these people until we at least trade Instagram handles. When I go internet dating into the electronic world I use social networking rather. Sliding in DMs and estimate tweet flirting to my minds’ content material.

Through social media marketing as a pseudo internet dating app in earlier times, I found myself able to get slightly back ground on the person beyond their photo and some contours in a profile. When you are on the apps they can be a major skip if you are a queer, lesbian distinguishing, black colored woman. You don’t know who is fetishizing you, if someone is wanting to use you as an instrument to undo their particular discovered racist actions or really if a lady will match to you only to state 3 communications afterwards the lady cishet sweetheart simply desires to see the lady with a woman.

The pandemic began essentially at the beginning of external conditions. The opportunity to try for walks and lust physically at a distance was actually a lot more obtainable. But now that we go for about to understand just what lose Rona’s twice removed relative Influenza is about to provide the party we must end up being additional careful. So since utilizing applications is really the safest solution to satisfy people and meet your online dating requirements, I wanna see what it’s really like down in these electronic roadways.

Shelli’s settings:

Length – 50 Miles // I won’t feel bad about perhaps not providing you fuel cash as much as this range.

Era – 32-45 // The closer to 45 the better.

My personal major application photo

Im fascinated with matchmaking applications. I like to meet up people in individual and I select We relate with individuals quicker when satisfying them physically — or at least on Instagram and Twitter — nevertheless the desire for dating apps continues. I think i love the note of all the men and women in globally. I like to screenshot ridiculous profiles and send these to my friends. I adore the enjoyment of a match, the enjoyment for the first flirts. I only met two different people on internet dating applications that triggered good encounters and neither was anything major, but We consistently love the work of employing dating applications.

Pre-pandemic online dating programs were quite definitely simply a product to conference folks in person. Nevertheless now it is basically all we’ve got except DM slides. Days gone by six months I’ve been on Tinder continuously. I’ve met a lot of people — people who I discussed to all night via text, on the phone, on FaceTime and Zoom. In the end, yes, i assume i am trying belong love and stay like wow can’t believe that occurred on Tinder. But I really don’t actually count on it. Also through the pandemic it is more the fun of possibility and meeting an innovative new person and achieving an excuse to put up makeup to get butterflies during my tummy.

Certainly my two positive internet dating application experiences originated when I had been reviewing a shitty online dating software earlier on this current year. Therefore while I would want to point out that i am just taking part in this for study or because it’s enjoyable to do business with Shelli and Dani, I would end up being sleeping basically said there wasn’t a small sound in my head that thinks whether an app excellent or otherwise not i may fulfill someone. And that to happen beneath the guise of working? Well, We


a Capricorn!

Drew’s settings:

Range – 10 kilometers // we once had my length setup bigger because LA is really so disseminate, however when some body moves too much it increases the limits. I really don’t like to feel pressured to own gender with a person because they drove an hour or so to see me. I’ll save yourself my personal cross country flirting and pining for Instagram and Twitter.

Era – 26-44 // we fit with a lot more men and women as I lower age and sometimes i really do — i believe possibly folks in their early 20s are far more comfortable with transness — but i have always been somebody who prefers to date more mature. My personal ideal is actually 28-34. It isn’t really that i’d never date some body annually or two younger than me, but i do believe it’s not likely I would meet them on an app.

Drew’s go-to image

I’m very thinking about dating and matchmaking tradition, particularly the stigma that prevails around meeting folks online. I’ve found that in folks my age and more mature, we had been around for the genesis of internet dating apps. From those old adverts for for the fevered, swiping tradition we can be found in today. Stuff has changed vastly but there’s however this sense of “oh you found on an app? As if satisfying folks in individual provides more merit and guarantees an extended lasting relationship.

We myself personally are a software hound. Each time a unique one falls I’m upon it. I have found online dating sites and apps getting much more available to myself. We theoretically have actually four tasks, a lot of them in imaginative areas. That kind of work requires much of me personally and at the conclusion the afternoon the very last thing we usually wish to accomplish is get be around others. Dating applications provide me personally the initial and tailored experience of getting one on one connections with folks who i believe are hot and interesting. Actually we’ve both mutually decided we find each other hot and fascinating. Much of the guess-work is done! In my opinion its so cool and enjoyable, even though I do not enjoy every aspect of the app. Whenever that happens we at least have one thing to tweet about.

I am interested in examining these programs because hey, you need to? It may assist someone with a busy existence eg personal narrow down exactly what application works best for their unique lifestyle. I’m therefore thinking about watching just how friendly these applications should be people determine like me: fat, black, lesbian ladies, and the ones that don’t hold those identities. Since our company is in a pandemic, programs have become my major method of communicating with men and women, pals or current/potential fans. My personal twitter and instagram DMs are often open but i prefer committing myself personally into matchmaking application experience. I’m undoubtedly looking for some body during this little experiment therefore we’ll find out how well that goes. Will I discover really love? You’ll have to stay tuned.

Dani Janae’s Configurations:

Era: 26 – 47, I’m 27 so 25-27 is like the cheapest I will get conveniently. The more mature the greater in my opinion then when one gets near that 47 I am not worried.

Distance: 159 kilometers, I got commit out this much since there was actually no one near me personally. Despite these options I get a person stumble on every pair days and then nothing for a time.

My personal go to online dating app picture

What’s the software?

Recently we have been examining the latest relationship software
! an internet dating app that really wants to rewrite the rules to find really love online using video games as the primary way to obtain helping people select associations. It is among the many more recent internet dating applications about scene and just what undoubtedly intrigued all of us many ended up being their particular promise of prioritizing inclusivity. The designers encourage playfulness in an effort to develop a more authentic connect from really begin. We downloaded, added our very own pictures and got to flirting – really, experimented with anyway. Keep reading for the evaluations!!

Prepare your very own: Bette, Alice, Dana


I became wanting XO to get sort of as with any others however with the added help of making use of a game title as an icebreaker as opposed to, I am not sure — stating hi?

Immediately, we cherished the minimalism in the application. Its rather clean, the graphics are simple but attractive and it’s really very user-friendly. Then, nearly all of it moved down hill for me personally.

When I began swiping we ran of solutions pretty fast. My options are not everything untamed and so I only chalked it up to it being a newer application regarding the world that will not need had many consumers but. As I exposed my options a bit more though, we began obtaining cishet men within my patio of customers to swipe on. Whenever I opted, I especially picked never to see or perhaps viewed by that demographic but eventually these people were all I found myself seeing, which forced me to want to maybe not make use of the app anymore and matter its inclusive posture.

I rearranged my configurations to make certain that i really could match with Drew and actually perform some of the games. The we played wouldn’t exactly convince us to start up a discussion though, it thought a lot more like I found myself on Words with Friends in the place of a dating app. The tests had been enjoyable, they reminded me personally for the early Buzzfeed days! Many, like “Which dictator do you really end up being?” and “What kind of emotional terrorist will you be?” could need to be eliminated though.


Throughout the years I’ve utilized Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Her, and Fiori — but only the first couple of for significant periods of time. Usually i simply adhere to Tinder. It’s got many people and that I find it can be anything you make of it and that I that way. But it is clearly not the essential palatable spot for a queer trans girl and I also’m enthusiastic about higher idea apps therefore I’m always interested in new options.

XO’s concept is games can function as an icebreaker over a probably embarrassing very first message. Whether you are a person that is reluctant to message first or otherwise not I do think there’s something towards types original discussions that can be produced from an action. It is exactly why pre-pandemic art gallery dates happened to be the best type date.

Every software requires different pictures and a special tone when we very first attempt a application I could default to my personal Tinder usuals, then again we’ll easily modify. With XO I made a decision to chop certainly one of my five pictures and not add a bunch of resources beyond the bio I prefer on Tinder. We stopped choosing a gender on applications long ago because “transgender feminine” usually felt like a warning or an apology and it also needs to be neither. My personal transness is essential if you ask me and it will probably arise quickly, but for myself having it back at my profile focused it in a manner that started to feel incorrect. I think i am pretty visibly trans anyhow. But sometimes i actually do fit with people so when they recognize i am trans they unmatch. In my opinion maybe element of me personally desires enjoy that to verify what I will often only feeling. Nevertheless i did so appreciate that XO left area to publish in virtually any gender you prefer.

Dani Janae:

In general, I have very little expect internet dating applications. The very last individual I experienced a significant commitment with I found because she was at a conference I sang at. My last couple of months of dating app relationships have remaining myself sure that I won’t find any individual on an app and can have to go back again to meeting people in person. Really, in the center of a pandemic with all of my personal shows acquiring terminated or going on the internet, i am heavily back about apps. I usually keep it to Tinder thus I was extremely excited to use a new application with another type of gimmick than many other ones I have seen.

The general design of XO is quite lovely. I prefer this moves out of the swipe right, swipe remaining type of various other apps, while my hands have that desire as I’m scrolling. I do believe the font is a little cutesy but I’m picky about that sort of stuff. I actually do like this you’ll find video games, I’ve merely starred those hateful pounds, they account for a fairly limited time and was a good ice breaker. We haven’t actually coordinated with any individual but and so I’m hopeful observe exactly what their always hinge a conversation around these types of games.

Something that might be controversial but that I really appreciated was the option to put your battle and ethnicity in your profile. As somebody that firmly prefers to date additional black women or WOC, it’s great to have somebody self determine therefore I don’t have to perform some guess-work. It may of course. My personal big problem utilizing the software usually there is no one one it, in addition to individuals who are onto it are too youthful in my situation. I obtained huge mommy dilemmas and love earlier women very putting my configurations as a result of where they have been was a problem in my situation.

This feels as though queer pandering and I also enjoy it.
Like all online dating apps, cis guys may find you irrespective of the option.


XO appears to be a lot more for those who have a hard time beginning a discussion, however, if that is everybody else regarding application i’m like y’all are only attending hold winning contests no any will in reality talk, save for a LOL or two during a-game.

The Wingman option, where a not known next individual is actually fallen inside talk to boost it if it stalls, appears like excessively force and simply does not change really into an electronic area. I actually do notice it probably stimulating individuals to not ghost and get a lot more upfront about maybe not continuing on if first interest doesn’t get past various messages.

It skews way more youthful, feels as though it’s a lot more for the TikTok youthfulness around the world. The type of app you utilize whenever a couple of pals are over and could make use of an affordable laugh after your 3rd Smirnoff Ice.

I favor it if there have been just a few games; you’ll find unnecessary possibilities in addition to video games need to be more personality-based. You drawing a chicken and me personally speculating the goals wont help me discover in case you are going to check me personally disgusted when I ask you to spit inside my lips.

This application isn’t really in my situation; Really don’t just like the video game element. It is a touch too cutesy and if you do not’re uninterested in swiping and just wanna play exact games, I then doubt it would be for your family both.


I’m not the goal audience for this app for a few reasons. 1) I trust Shelli it definitely skews more youthful and 2) I’m not an individual who is actually scared to content individuals on matchmaking apps.

THAT SAID. There are reasons for having this software I like. Primarily i do believe the overall game facet supplies an activity and because of the pandemic avoiding typical internet dating a hobby of any kind could be welcome. Shelli and I also paired so we could play many games and that I think they may be the right brand of silly with this style of thing. I also enjoy just how your profile can conspicuously exhibit the sunlight signal with a cute little visual. In reality, I loved every lovable little illustrations as well as the basic layout in the application.

The biggest issue today can there be only aren’t that numerous individuals about software. We even majorly extended my personal age and range options but still quickly swiped through readily available people. I’m not sure exactly how a brand new relationship software appeals to the necessary consumers making it usable but XO doesn’t feel just like it really is there however.

This will not be my personal application of choice, but i will see the attraction for those who feel trapped in matchmaking app small-talk — particularly when a lot more people joined.

Dani Janae:

Once this application gets more folks onto it In my opinion it should be pretty fun. You can count on the familiarity additionally the comfort of a Tinder or OkCupid but giving these more compact, much more adventurous applications a go might be the way of the long term. The software seems to be popping making use of 18-21 a long time, probably due to the video game element, but once more individuals read about it I am sure the number are certain to get a tiny bit wider. I’m nevertheless utilizing different apps far more than this 1, and also as i have stated, haven’t located a match but so that it surely won’t be my head to it has actually possible.

Swipe correct.
The most common image on this software.

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